Healing Journal- 02.10.2019

I don't want to die anymore. I'm not afraid to die either, but wouldn't it be sad? To fight tooth and nail for happiness and the will to live only to die anyway? I crave crisp morning air and dream about what my life will be like five years down the road, but it could all be over in a split second. Is this what the general population has dealt with all of their lives? Am I feeling the unfairness of wanting the gift of life and the deepening fear of my own flame being snuffed out?

I'm starting to think I was smarter before. Maybe I was afraid of falling in love with life. Maybe I was afraid of coming face to face with my own eventuality outside of my own terms. Giving over control is never an easy choice.